Pineapple Express made money

Author: The Blemish

7 Aug

Pineapple Express

Pineapple Express, the stoner comedy starring Seth Rogen and James Franco, set a new record for the biggest Wednesday opening of August. The film earned $12.15 million on its first day of release. The previous record was held by The Princess Diaries 2 with $8.5 million. Sony Pictures was more than surprised at the higher than expected Wednesday take.

“I don’t think anyone expected an R-rated comedy to post such a strong number on a Wednesday,” Sony Pictures spokesman Steve Elzer said. “We were caught completely by surprise and hope it’s an indication that the best has yet to come as we head into the weekend.”

Paul Dergarabedian of Media by Numbers summed up the impressive opening with a simple equation, “Apatow, plus R-rating, plus August equals hit.” Other infallible equations Paul has come up with include: “The Dark Knight, plus Heath Ledger death equals box office gold,” “Robert Downey Jr., plus iron suit equals awesome,” and “Broadway musical, plus film adaptation equals so totally gay.” Thanks Paul. Einstein would have been proud.

Vintage Henry Rollins and time wasters

Author: The Blemish

7 Aug

Bossip: Danity Kane had a birthday party. Well, one of them did.
Drunken Stepfather: Jamie Lynn Spears teenage pregnancy ass watch
Celebslam: Britney Spears is high
Bastardly: Lisa Rinna in the bikini

Celebitchy: Hayden Panettiere buys a $2.6 million home
Lainey: Rumer Willis had a camel toe or something
Holy Taco: Elf ears, the latest trend among dumbasses everywhere
Popoholic: Megan Fox’s best performance to date

CS: Katie Holmes and her baby
SOW: Nicole Kidman hiders her baby
Just Jared: Eva Mendes does Marie Claire
College Humor: Intense Gatorade ad

James Franco talks stolen t-shirt, proceeds to get laid

Author: The Blemish

7 Aug

James Franco

The New York Daily News talked to James Franco about the alleged stolen, uncredited t-shirt design he wears in Pineapple Express. A Brooklyn t-shirt marker called WOWCH claims the concept art of a shark eating a kitten was originally one of their designs created in 2005. Franco calls the allegations ridiculous and says it was an original design by the director, David Gordon Green.

“What? That’s ridiculous,” Franco exclaimed. “We completely created that shirt and that shark. David wanted me to wear a purple Monterey Bay T-shirt with a whale on it. I said I wasn’t into the whale shirt, so he came up with his own design, which was the shark.”

Then in the middle of the interview he gets hit on by a couple of girls who I assume would blow him right then and there if it wasn’t for the fact they were wearing heels and much too tight skirts.

Girl: You look familiar.

Franco: I dunno. Have we met?

Girl: I saw you on screen an hour ago.

Franco: On the street?

Girl: No! On the movie screen! You were in the movie we just saw!

Girl 2: I loved it. I’m [Name redacted].

Girl: I’m [Name redacted]. It’s a pleasure to meet you.

Franco: Hi. I’m James.

Girl 2: Where are you from?

Franco: Well I’m moving here to New York City very soon …

Publicist (interrupting): You know girls, this is the Daily News right here …

Daily News: Give me two seconds, and then you can tell him everything that you ever wanted to.

Girl (grinning widely): Like all my favorite sexual positions?

Franco (turns to the Daily News and smirks): I’ll borrow your tape recorder for that!

James Franco may be a rich, successful actor and have women constantly throwing themselves at him, but I eat beans straight from the can. Top that, James “I’m so handsome” Franco.

Kim Kardashian is bikini-y

Author: The Blemish

7 Aug

Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian was fortunate enough to inherit the superior genes from her mom and dad. If you look at the other Kardashian sisters, they look like they should be locked in a zoo and fed on a timetable. Not Kim though. She’s hot. One time I even thought I saw her on the street and I waved wildly at her. Turns out it was just a mannequin in the window. People say I have the most exciting stories.

Oh hai!

Author: The Blemish

7 Aug

Lily Allen

This is Lily Allen’s nipple. Just dropping in to say “Hi!” Hi! Ok, bye. Larger uncensored version here.

Splash News says Lily was getting out of her BMW outside of her boyfriend, Ed Simmon’s, house and that she laughed it off and gave the paparazzi the finger. Awesome. I wish more women would be this nonchalant. Usually it’s all slaps in the face, a restraining order and confiscation of my 400mm lens. Whatever. If they didn’t want to be photographed naked, they wouldn’t undress half a mile from me in their house with the lights off and curtains halfway closed.

Joanna Krupa does Maxim

Author: The Blemish

7 Aug

Joanna Krupa

Joanna Krupa is in the September issue of the German Maxim and she’s topless. Again. These are from a photo shoot she did for her topless calendar.

Victoria’s Secret should have a clause in their contract that forces their models to do more topless shoots. Don’t ask me how that’s supposed to sell bras. That’s marketing’s department.

Morning time wasters

Author: The Blemish

7 Aug

Miss Universe

Hollywood Rag: Diane Sawyer still got game
Flisted: Emily Scott does Zoo Weekly
WIMB: Trust me, Disaster Movie will suck hard
Lossip: Miss Universe to lose crown

Hollywood Tuna: Hilary Duff boob watch continues
UseMyComputer: Amber Heard is pale
EB: Miley Cyrus fesses up
DRW (Site NSFW): Allison SToke works the pole

Shia LaBeouf could be an amputee

Author: The Blemish

7 Aug

As a result of his July 28th accident which injured his hand, Shia LaBeouf may have to amputate his pinkie on his left hand.

“Shia called producers yesterday and told them,” the source on the set in Alamogordo, N.M. says. “It’s really thrown the movie into turmoil.”

There are a few reasons not to believe this. For one, this won’t throw the Transformers movie into turmoil. There’s not going to be pinkie sex or any closeup of his pinkie. That would just be stupid.

Second, we aren’t in the 1700’s where they chop limbs off for no reason. We can clone sheep and dogs, grow viable human ears on the back of mice and perform double arm transplants. Shia should get a second opinion. Just because a guy wears a white coat and stethoscope doesn’t mean he’s a doctor. I learned that the hard way. Word of advice. When a “doctor” cups your balls for six minutes and juggles them around checking for “cancer”, you may want to be a little suspicious. My other doctor tells me he should be doing it for only five minutes.

Christina Aguilera is naked

Author: The Blemish

7 Aug

An old Christina Aguilera David LaChapelle photoshoot from an issue of Interview magazine in 2004 has been floating around today. The blown up picture of Christina is possibly photoshopped, but you’ve masturbated to CGI before so this shouldn’t stop you. Two more from her X-Tina days just because.

The Heath Ledger case is closed

Author: The Blemish

7 Aug

Seven months ago, Heath Ledger died of an accidental overdose. I don’t know what investigators have been doing since then, but on Wednesday, his case was officially closed. Prosecutors have decided not to look into how Heath got his hands on the illegal painkillers that caused his death.

The decision comes after recent reports that actress Mary-Kate Olsen was demanding immunity before answering questions about the startling death of her close friend and his drug use. Authorities say she was the first person called by a masseuse who found the 28-year-old “Dark Knight” actor’s lifeless body in his Manhattan apartment.

The DEA had obtained a subpoena that could have forced Olsen if she continued to hold out. But the subpoena, issued in April, is no longer valid because it was contingent upon prosecutors pursuing the case, the official said Wednesday. The official added that the case could still be revived if evidence of a crime emerges.

Mary-Kate Olsen must have blew everyone at the DEA. That’s the only logical explanation.

Anderson Cooper vs the Lohans and time wasters

Author: The Blemish

6 Aug

Dina Lohan got owned.

Bossip: Hotter: Zoe Kravitz or Jurnee Smollett?
Drunken Stepfather: Jennifer Flavin (Stallone’s wife) in her bikini
Bastardly: Jodie Sweetin at the Bob Saget roast
Asylum: The weirdest Olympic events throughout history
Celebitchy: Charlize Theron is a slob

CoEd: 5 awful sleeping habits of a random hookup
Holy Taco: Romo and Jessica do nasty nerd style
CityRag: Suri Cruise 2026
College Humor: The BBQ song
Just Jared: Lauren Conrad goes Greek

CS: Chef tells Today Show women to shut up
SOW: Looks like any second for Gwen Stefani
HB: Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow disagree about drug use
FHM: Seth Rogen and James Franco talk about Pineapple Express
Celeb Warship: Shia rehab bound?

Amanda Beard is naked

Author: The Blemish

6 Aug

Amanda Beard

Olympic swimmer, Amanda Beard, is the latest in celebrities to pose naked for PETA’s “I rather go naked then wear fur” campaign. Here she is naked, trying to stay afloat in a puddle of water. Such heart. Such determination. Don’t let that puddle win. We don’t negotiate with puddles! And so on and so forth. Full version at PETA.

Morgan Freeman divorcing after 24 years of marriage

Author: The Blemish

6 Aug

Two days after his car accident, Bill Luckett, Morgan Freeman’s attorney and business partner, confirmed to Access Hollywood that Freeman is “involved in a divorce action.” Freeman and his wife of 24 years, Myrna Colley-Lee, have been separated since December of 2007 for “legal and practical purposes.”

I can’t help but feel responsible for the dissolution of their marriage. I told Freeman that if he ever got divorced, we could go out and tap some barely legal ass. Dude, I was only joking.

Britney Spears to play a lesbian killer

Author: The Blemish

6 Aug

Britney Spears

According to the Telegraph, Britney Spears has been cast by Quentin Tarantino as dancer Darla in the remake of Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!. She’ll play a lesbian stripper killer and will film a sex scene.

“Quentin is convinced Britney will be brilliant. She’s delighted. She thinks it could turn her career around.

“It is perfect Tarantino material. He wanted to get Britney first. She’s playing the most important character.”

Even if this were true, it probably wouldn’t be true. Did that make sense? To clarify. Britney can’t act seductive. Hungry, yes. Seductive, no. If you need someone to stand there and drool over the craft service table, Britney is your girl. If you need someone to strip and act all sexy like in front of the camera, you’re better off dressing a panda in a bikini and letting it play with a piece of bamboo. Britney’s idea of seduction is rolling around naked in a pile of KFC chicken and pawing at the camera, coyly asking for more Ranch dressing.

Jennifer Aniston has issues

Author: The Blemish

6 Aug

Jennifer Aniston

OK! and Star are bummed that PEOPLE landed the exclusive rights to Angelina Jolie’s twins. But that’s ok. They’ll make up stuff about Angelina’s archenemies, Jennifer Aniston, to get back their readers.

In their latest issues, OK! claims Jennifer Aniston is marrying John Mayer and they have the details of her dream wedding while Star claims that Jennifer Aniston is ready to have John Mayer’s baby. Both reports have been quickly refuted by Aniston’s rep who stated, “Both headlines are complete fabrications.”

It’s true. No one wants to marry Jennifer Aniston or raise children with her. She’s the fun girl you date before you decide to settle down. She’s dull in every way imaginable, except in the bedroom. She’ll let you try anything. Even that candle wax thing. Then when you’re bored, you toss her aside and marry someone like Angelina Jolie. She’ll be left there lonely and crying which is both sad and unattractive. No wonder she can’t keep a man. Always with the tears.

Morning time wasters

Author: The Blemish

6 Aug

Michelle Marsh

Pajiba: The Dark Knight vs Iron Man
Hollywood Rag: Miley Cyrus wants to babysit for Pete Wentz
WIMB: David Cross is hittin’ that
CNW: Ryan Adams was a jerk to Mandy Moore

Yeeeah: Bianca Gascoigne topless in Zoo
Celebparasite: Neil Patrick Harris loves monogamous relationships
DH: Jennifer Aniston is a tight ass
Hollywood Tuna: Blake Lively’s got legs
UseMyComputer: Michelle Marsh does Loaded Magazine

Cindy Crawford isn’t shy

Author: The Blemish

6 Aug

Cindy Crawford

Cindy Crawford is 42, but she might as well be immortal because her body still looks better than those of half of the younger celebrities. I mean, if Tara Reid and Cindy Crawford were ever to see each other naked, it would result in uncontrollable sobbing from both of them. From Cindy because she just saw the Frankenstein of celebrities. “Those folds. Those warped breasts. The horror, the horror,” she would cry. From Tara because, well, that’s what ugly people do.

Paris Hilton has a response

Author: The Blemish

6 Aug

Paris Hilton spoof

Last week, John McCain ran an ad which called Barack Obama a bigger celebrity than Paris and Britney and questioned his readiness to lead. Kathy Hilton, pissed because she donated to the McCain fund, criticized the ad calling it “frivolous, a waste of money, a waste of time.” Yesterday, Paris Hilton also criticized the ad in her own way; by making a video! Listen to the orangeish Paris Hilton try to sound smart. Hearing her talk about offshore oil drilling is like watching a chimp figuring out how to use tools, in that, you’re left in stunned silence that this bit of insight is coming from that primate.

Jenna Jameson is expecting

Author: The Blemish

6 Aug

Tito and Jenna

The NY Post today congratulates Jenna Jameson on her pregnancy with ex-UFC, now Affliction, fighter, Tito Ortiz.

“She had a bunch of meetings and things planned for Fashion Week, including meetings for her own line, but she’s postponed everything,” said our source. “She’s completely thrilled, this is something she’s wanted for a very long time.”

If Jenna doesn’t have a c-section, then expect the baby to get stuck between the layers of dried semen caked to the walls of her vagina. It’ll be the first time the Jaws of Life are ever used during a birth.

Still hot

Author: The Blemish

5 Aug

Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz star in Woody Allen’s new comedy Vicky Cristina Barcelona and I don’t know the synopsis or anything, but Scarlett and Penelope have a make-out scene which is more than enough reason to go see it. And since the movie is opening soon, here’s Scarlett promoting it.

When they shot the scene, “there were like 60 crewmen [sitting around] eating salami sandwiches!” Johansson said at the movie’s Los Angeles premiere Monday. “It’s really the least sexy thing you can ever imagine!”

Besides, she added, “these characters are in love with each other! Oh my gosh! People are so conservative!”

Tsk tsk. Those are very poor promotional skills Scarlett. You should have said, “At first I wasn’t into it, but when our pouty lips touched, we felt a surge of excitement rush through our bodies and we just had to stick our tongues down each other’s throats. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other.” You would have had me at pouty. By the time you got to the tongue thing, my boner would have torn through my pants. Alas, you said something about being surrounded by a bunch of men and salami sandwiches, which isn’t that bad since there’s a joke in there somewhere. It’s just… I couldn’t find it and I don’t think I want to.

Dramatic cat and time wasters

Author: The Blemish

5 Aug

Dramatic cat is impersonating dramatic hamster. I like turtles.

Bossip: Bad news for Lisa Raye
Drunken Stepfather: Amanda Bynes is a helpful bridesmaid
Bastardly: Vanessa Hudgens performs
Celebslam: Morgan Freeman’s car isn’t THAT bad
CityRag: Paris Hilton owned by a baby

Celebitchy: Charlie Sheen pays $380 pediatrician bill in nickels
College Humor: The Dark Black Knight
ASL: Say goodbye to Katie Price’s giant mounds
CS: Cyndi Lauper calls George Bush the true anti-American
SOW: Feel the puke

Double Viking: The greatest self defense video ever
INO: Parker Posey and her puppy
Popoholic: A Monica Belluci quickie
Grumpiest: Hayden Panettiere takes her ass to the Salon
Attuworld: The Hannah Hilton Gallery

Kate Moss’ nipples again

Author: The Blemish

5 Aug

Kate Moss

This may be the 5,405th time you’ve seen Kate Moss’ nipples, but this may be the first time you’ve seen them in Spain, on a boat, with her daughter. Although, I could be wrong. Look, I don’t keep a map detailing the places I’ve seen Kate’s tits. Besides, I wouldn’t tell you if I did. Because I lost it. Dammit, where did I put that map?

Sophia Bush came

Author: The Blemish

5 Aug

Sophia Bush

Sophia Bushed showed up at the Teen Choice Awards over the weekend. There’s no news to go with this. I just wanted to say Sophia Bush is hot and I’d do things with her only imaginable in fairy tales. Like, fall in love and eat a gingerbread house. But not too much. Don’t want her getting fat or nothin’. Oh yea and I’d like to have sex with her. That would be pretty sweet too.

Angelina Jolie wants more babies

Author: The Blemish

5 Aug

Angelina Jolie

This is actually a month old rumor from the National Enquirer, but it’s resurfacing again for whatever reason. Britain’s Daily star is claiming that although Angelina Jolie only gave birth to Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline last month, she’s already contemplating another adoption. This time from China. They say she was so devastated by the China earthquake in May that she’s been in touch with relief workers and has even received photos of a few orphaned kids.

“She’s made overtures offering a home to one earthquake orphan, or even two if they are siblings.”

Angelina Jolie is kind of like those nutty people who collect troll dolls. Except these trolls are alive and if you accidentally lose one while walking, you can’t just wait around on the sidewalk praying that the car driving by won’t run over it. Judges get sort of touchy when you do that.

Lydia Hearst and Aubrey O’Day are kissing

Author: The Blemish

5 Aug

Lydia and Aubrey

Aubrey O’Day and Lydia Hearst are attention whores so it’s no surprise that they made out with each other after leaving Club Butter. Lydia Hearst went a little too far though and grabbed Aubrey’s boob. I’m assuming that’s what happened because Aubrey’s adjusting her top while doing the walk of shame. And also because it sounds a lot sexier than “her top was falling.”

[Images via Splash]

$Aubrey O\'Day and Lydia Heart Kiss$ $Aubrey O\'Day and Lydia Heart Kiss$ $Aubrey O\'Day and Lydia Heart Kiss$ $Aubrey O\'Day and Lydia Heart Kiss$ $Aubrey O\'Day and Lydia Heart Kiss$

Morning time wasters

Author: The Blemish

5 Aug

Miranda Kerr

Hollywood Rag: Shauna Sand: Make rock not war
Lossip: Cristian Castro is the definition of loser
WIMB: It’s an almost Full House reunion
Flisted: Miranda Kerr - Hot or not?

DRW (Site NSFW): JoJo looks 30
Celebparasite: Hulk Hogan wishes he wasn’t divorced
EB: If you read it on Paris Hilton’s shirt, it must be true
AB: Al Pacino is still the man

Mary-Kate Olsen knows nothing, wants immunity

Author: The Blemish

5 Aug

Mary-Kate Olsen

Yesterday, the New York Post published a piece claiming the Feds were looking to question Mary-Kate Olsen about the death of Heath Ledger. Specifically, they wanted to ask her about two painkillers, OxyContin and Vicodin, that contributed to his overdose. Mary-Kate has agreed to speak with them, but only if she receives immunity. Despite this plea bargain, Mary-Kate’s lawyer denies she had anything to do with Heath’s death. He released this statement:

“Despite tabloid speculation, Mary-Kate Olsen had nothing whatsoever to do with the drugs found in Heath Ledger’s home or his body, and she does not know where he obtained them,” he said in a statement.

Miller added that “we have provided the government with relevant information including facts in the chronology of events surrounding Mr. Ledger’s death and the fact that Ms. Olsen does not know the source of the drugs Mr. Ledger consumed.

“We don’t know the source of the information being quoted in the media regarding the government’s inquiry, but these descriptions are incomplete and inaccurate.”

Um, what’s the immunity for then? Diseases? Someone should really tell Mary-Kate that the government doesn’t have the power to give her that kind of immunity. That’s something you get shots for. “Oh, but I don’t like needles,” Mary-Kate would say. God, so dumb, so dumb.

Kristen Bell does want

Author: The Blemish

5 Aug

Kristen Bell stares at Amanda

I bet Kristen Bell was thinking the same thing I was thinking. Motorboat!

Paz Vega in a bikini somewhere

Author: The Blemish

5 Aug

Paz Vega

Paz Vega hung out at some beach wearing this thing. I believe it’s called the most awesomest bikini ever. Let this be a lesson to you young, impressionable girls. If you’re not wearing thin pieces of string tied together vaguely resembling a bikini, then you might as well kill yourself now because you’re going to die an old maid anyway.

Lindsay and Sam might marry

Author: The Blemish

4 Aug

Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan has big tits and for some reason she’s dating Samantha Ronson. Allegedly. Still, it might as well be true. There has been no evidence to the contrary while there has been a lot of innuendo confirming it. Anyway, according to News of the World, they’re so in love that they want to get married. Probably around the time when Lindsay’s new album drops. It’s a mystery why they would do that.

Lindsay’s mum Dina has told pals that she wants to “welcome Sam into the family” with a lavish do, including drinks and canapes for Li-Lo’s pals and relatives.

The 22-year-old Freaky Friday star has been shopping for a white mini-dress for the occasion —and I hear she’s chosen a very bridal-looking one by Chanel.

Whatever. There’s no way Samantha or “Sam” can handle a little firecracker like Lindsay. The only person capable of taming this cock hungry lion is me and my spiked dog collar. So don’t be surprised when you hear news of Lindsay cheating on Sam with a devilishly handsome bachelor with granite abs and a medicine cabinet full of tranqs because it’s bound to happen. The eligible bachelor is me by the way. I’m not sure if you got that.

Afternoon time wasters

Author: The Blemish

4 Aug

Katie Holmes

Bossip: More beef on The View
Drunken Stepfather: Katie Holmes has hard nipples
Bastardly: Kat Von D at Maxim’s Extreme Party
Celebitchy: Kathy Hilton furious at John McCain
CityRag: Chris Brown has tattoos

Asylum: Playboy’s girls of ComicCon
CoEd: 5 things to avoid telling your parents
College Humor: Dwight Schrute has a twin!
CS: Lauren Conrad at the do something awards
SOW: Gues whose veiny arm this is?

Popoholic: Sophie Monk takes her tight jeans car shopping
Popbytes: Teen Choice Awards with Miley Cyrus
DH: Sienna Miller does Elle
PITNB: Holly Valance does FHM
FHM: Meet American Gladiator’s Phoenix

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