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With Super Bowl 46 looming and yet another team & fanbase about to be crushed in that deflating way that only losing a Super Bowl can provide, let’s take a brief, cathartically-sad trip through the Super Bowl depression of yesteryear with this list of The 46 Most Depressing Photos Of People Losing The Super Bowl. Behold, the singular deflation of players, coaches and fans photographed right after losing the big game, reminding us again that the pain of losing a Super Bowl may be unique, but it’s also universal. Especially if you’re from Buffalo: 46. 45. 44. 43. 42. 41. 40. 39. 38. 37. 36. 35. 34. 33. 32. 31. 30. 29. 28. 27. 26. 25. 24. 23. 22. 21. 20. 19. 18. 17. 16. 15. 14. 13. 12. 11. 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. (Technically during pregame, but had to be included) 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. BONUS: Palate Cleanser Drew Brees And His Son After Super Bowl 43: (All Pics Via Getty Images)

Well, it’s happened America!! Rolling Stone is reporting that American Idol runner-up and favorite person to drink on-camera martinis with, Adam Lambert, has announced that he is going to be replacing the late Freddie Mercury as the lead singer of Queen. Here’s what Adam had to say about the news: The intention is to pay tribute to Freddie and the band by singing some f*cking great songs. It’s to keep the music alive for the fans and give it an energy that Freddie would’ve been proud of. It’s a decision that, while surprising, shouldn’t ruffle too many oversized feather vests. Look, no one can replace Mercury, and that goes double for his mustache. But Lambert’s vocal abilities are certainly up to the challenge for Queen’s passionate repertoire. For example, 99 percent of people who attempt to sing Queen usually end the night on laying on the floor while nursing multiple burst bloodvessels in their foreheads. But Lambert is like a singing version of the chestburster in Alien. The man has no limitations. And what better way to expose his gift to his own fans as well as those of Queen’s than by merging the two? So while this news will may rub a few Queen fans the wrong way (one brings to mind Arnel Pineda, Steve Perry’s replacement in Journey), I say we should be thankful that there’s another person out there with the vocal ability required to carry on Mercury’s legend while throwing in his own unique twist. (ie Lots of exposed tongue, more eye-makeup, 3x as much thrusting.) Let’s also take a moment to remember that Lambert actually auditioned for Idol way back when with “Bohemian Rhapsody,” and did the song beautiful justice. Who would have guessed that 3 years later he’d be the LEAD SINGER OF QUEEN??? Click here to listen to Lambert singing a “Show Must Go On/We Will Rock You/We Are The Champions” medley with Brian May and Roger Taylor at the 2011 MTV EMAs in Belfast, Ireland. You can also check out Adam’s brand new music video for “Better Than I Know Myself” over at VH1 Tuner. UPDATE: Ahead, we have Exclusive VH1 Video of Adam discussing his collaboration with Queen. “There’s more things happening with Queen, that’s all I can say…” For those of you doubters out there. Music Videos – Free Music Videos

Are you tired of wings being way too easy to make and always tasting great no matter what you do to them? Then LISTEN UP, all of you who just yelled ‘yes’! Here’s a video of Top Chef Season 6 winner Michael Voltaggio showing you how to make his way-too-complicated version of Super Bowl wings, ?Boneless Chicken Wing Confit with Curry and Blue Cheese Disc.? That may sound complicated, but it’s actually WAY MORE COMPLICATED than you’re already expecting, to the point where the idea of anyone ever making this is hilarious: Got all that? Here’s my favorite step in the recipe: Hahaha, you got it, words! It’s basically a real-life version of Ted Allen’s Pretentious Foodie Bullsh*t meal from The Onion, only more exaggerated. (For the record, I posted this video for last year’s Super Bowl, but it’s one of my favorite things ever so here it is again. I’m just trying to help you WOW your friends at this year’s big game, by showing them this recipe so you can all be like “WOW, what a dumb waste of time!” before you eat regular wings.)

The Super Bowl Half-Time Show is almost upon us!! This Sunday, somewhere around your 1400th Bud Light, none other than the Queen of Nutcracker Arms Madonna will take to the stage to perform in front of the 111 million people watching. Joining her on stage will be Nicki Minaj and MIA, meaning this half-time show will be a great day for both women and people whose names start with the letter M (double score!!) There is already plenty of speculation of what Madonna has in store for us. Will she perform songs from her new album MDNA? Or will she take some mercy on us and perform only the classics minus anything from the Austin Powers franchise? Personally, I think I have some idea of what the Super Bowl Half-Time Show is going to look like… check out the clip ahead. Yes, the gore scene from Summer School. It only exists online in French, but really, you don’t need to know what they’re saying.

A photo has emerged of our favorite Earth Angel RuPaul back from when he was 19 in — brace yourself — 1979. (I know “black don’t crack” but this is some deal with the devil sh*t.) But when seeing his pic, I couldn’t help but notice how much dear Ru resembled one of my other favorite people on the planet, dear friend Tyra Banks. That perfect bone structure, the amazing skin… THE SMIZING I am hoping that pointing out this resemblance of these two legendary icons will further up my chances of being asked to be a guest judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race and/or America’s Next Top Model, but only time will tell. (They won’t ask.) We have a couple more side-by-sides of these two beauty queens ahead. The resemblance is untranny.

Seeing as we are really the only site with such an authority to grant this honor, we’re gonna go ahead and say that SLOTHS… you are having the BEST WEEK EVER. Sure, sloths are pretty much always having great weeks, but what other animal could cause TV actress Kristen Bell to lose her absolute sh*t? Nice try, Baby Wallaby, but not even close. And what better way to honor an animal having its Best Week of All Time (one might even say… EVER) than with an Ultimate GIF Wall? See, the irony is, it loads almost as slowly as sloths move. That’s some next level sh*t right there. With thanks to GIF-mistress Lauren Deiman for putting this together, we present to you: The Ultimate Sloth GIF Wall… ahead.

The Komen Foundation (the same people from that Planned Parenthood hubbub we just defeated by ‘liking’ our friends’ Facebook statues) is currently sponsoring a new pink handgun in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, for those times when you need people to GET DOWN ON THE GROUND AND BE AWARE OF BREAST CANCER, RIGHT NOW: Discount Gun Sales has teamed up with the Susan G. Komen Foundation to offer a pink version of its popular Walther P-22 handgun in recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness Month… An undisclosed portion from the sale of each Walther P-22 ?Hope Edition? will be donated to the Seattle Branch of the Susan G. Komen Foundation. The gun retails for $429.99. The Hope Edition has ?an exclusive DuraCoat Pink slide in recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness month,? according to the promotion. ?Utilizing the same reliable controls and firing mechanism that has made the Walther P-22 America?s top selling handgun, the Hope Edition will be a limited production pistol offered exclusively through Discount Gun Sales.? Alright! First things first, let’s listen to “America, F*ck Yeah!” five times. Second, isn’t this gun already unlockable in N64 Goldeneye? Third, we could probably figure out some literary symbolism in the fact that the organization that came out against Planned Parenthood also sponsored a device designed for ending lives, but we’ll leave that to Robert Frost. He’s dead? Fine, then the Robert Frost Tumblr. All I’m saying is, Valentine’s Day is in two weeks. Make it happen. (Thanks, @ryeisenberg!)

Late Night With Jimmy Fallon is a show after our own hearts and wallets. (ie I would like to send him all my money without him even asking.) Because host Jimmy Fallon is using GOLDEN RETRIEVER PUPPIES to predict the SUPERBOWL. I mean. Not just any puppies. But like fresh from the dryer GOLDENS. I want to dip their paws in spicy peanut sauce, wrap em in lettuce, and call it an appetizer. Jimmy managed to get an exclusive interview with the main Puppy Predictor himself, Bruce Mackabee of the New England Patriots (above). Even though this clip is only 2 minutes long, it took me LEGIT 4 minutes to watch, as I kept pausing it to send instant messages to nobody of my entire QWERTY keyboard being smashed by my fists. It’s a hard one to handle, puppy lovers, I’m going to warn you. The high you will experience while viewing may not be worth the awful emptiness you will feel immediately afterwards. But I did it, and you should too. What are you guys doing for the Superbowl? I’m going to be doing the backstroke in a mango margarita somewhere while wearing a NY GIANTS t-shirt with an arrow pointing up to my face. And sure, I’ll pretend to watch the Superbowl, laugh and clap along with the others, but behind my empty gaze this is what I’ll really be seeing:

I have no idea what this tastes like but I know what those two words mean so GIMME GIMME GIMME: That’s right – Jack In The Box has introduced a Bacon Milkshake as party of their “If you like bacon so much, why don’t you marry it?” campaign, which is actually just a whimsical advertising slogan and not an actual suggestion, as a Justice of the Peace recently informed me. I love that the ad even says “It’s for real,” like Jack In The Box kind of knows they’re cheating with this one. “The new Bacon Shake – we’re not sh*tting you, we really did this!” Just gotta check the Jack In The Box ‘store locator’ to find the nearest location in New York City and the Bacon Shake SHALL BE MINE… NOOOOOOO!!!!!! Damn you West Coast, with your Jack In The Boxes and fancy weather and skateboards and big boom boxes that you blast early-90s hip hop from while roller skating around the boardwalk that runs up the entire coast. I’ll see you in a few hours once I check Orbitz… (via Eater)

It’s Friday, so you know what that means: THERE IS CONTROVERSY IN FRANCE! And this time, it’s slightly surprising. Above, a poster for the upcoming film Les Infidèles (The Players), which are currently plastered all over France, a country lucky because they get to stare at actor Jean Dujardin roughly 15 times as often as we lowly Americans. Well, it seems that this poster is “trop chaud pour la télé” (too hot for TV), as various uptight French citizens have sent in complaints that the posters are too sexy and/or sexist. Versus the real reason to complain: Those legs will never be my own. This is also the first trailer for a French film that I forced myself to sit through even though there were no subtitles and I speak zéro French. It reads (watches?) sort of like a French Wedding Crashers plus brief frontal female nudity (Fellas! NSFW). On the bright side, Jean Dujardin plays a huge assh*le, which translates loosely into “It’s like porn for super damaged women!” I loved it. You can watch the trailer ahead, along with a BONUS SEXXXXXX POSTER THAT’S 2 HOT 4 FRANCE! If you speak French, feel free to translate the trailer and leave it in the comments. I’m genuinely curious. Also, Americans, keep your eyes out for this film in 2014, when it will probably be released here.

Several years ago, Doritos held a contest where fans submitted their own homemade commercials and the winning ad got to air during the Super Bowl. Obviously, the one that ended up getting voted in involved a person getting hit in the balls (seriously), and history unfolded as we know it (the whole Gaddafi thing, etc.) The following ad from Pete Holmes, Matt McCarthy, and Oren Brimer was one of the five finalists in the contest, but it sadly lost out (#Ballsgate – never forget). It remains to this day the best Super Bowl commercial of all time, even though it never rightfully aired. Websites dust off their “Greatest Super Bowl Ads Of All Time” lists every year, but their lame Budweiser Frogs and Pepsi Truckers can’t hold a candle to Doritos Beer: I’ve watched this upwards of 50 times now in my life, and the ending gets me every time. Also, these should exist. That’s all.

Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning, and us Game Of Thrones fans all know what that means… Oh great, another character to remember?? Ahh, can’t complain, just happy to see any images of that show during this dark Thronesless winter. Can’t wait til that show comes back and we get to see the groundhog decapitate someone and/or get naked. (Pic by God Of Nerds via MTV Geek, thought it appears Alex Zalben may have had the idea first, I just really enjoy the version with the sword. Doesn’t matter, we all just get sucked into the HuffPo turbine in the end anyway. Good ‘shoppin, Internet!)

David Glendon, an actor in Kilkenny, Ireland, just earned himself a trip to the Oscars by winning a local bar’s George Clooney Lookalike Contest. Just take one look at him from across the room while squinting and you can definitely see why: HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THE CLOONS!!!!!!!! Are we SURE this pic is undoctored?? They have to be twins. Are we POSITIVE they’re not twins? I demand a DNA test. Alright, fine, so maybe he doesn’t look ‘exactly’ like George Clooney, but it makes sense when you see the runners-up: Still not convinced? Then just try to pick out the real George Clooney in this photo: IT’S LIKE LOOKING INTO A MIRROR!!! One of those fun house mirrors that completely distorts your appearance but retains your gender and race and keeps your age within a two-decade ballpark. (The real George Clooney is the one on the right, for the record). Have fun at the Oscars, dude! Just don’t trick Stacy Keibler into going home with you!!! ***WINK*** (via Pop Culture Brain)

It’s Groundhog Day, and we on the internet are struggling to greet this holiday the same way we greet every holiday: With themed, numbered lists blatantly designed to capitalize on otherwise extremely minor events (think 11/11/11). Rather than conceding that there just aren’t many Groundhog Day related things and miss this golden opportunity, we have instead spent the day doing intensive pop culture research and engaging in passionate staff debates to come up with the following informative list that you should totally send to all your friends. Behold, The Top 2 Groundhog-Day-Related Movies In Cinematic History: 2. Groundhog Day This Bill Murray / Andie MacDowell classic functions expertly as an enjoyable, watchable comedy and as an insightful philosophical exploration of fate, love, inevitability, and self-betterment. It is, in our personal estimation, unquestionably one of the greatest films ever made about the holiday Groundhog Day. And the #1 Groundhog Day-related movie of all time is………. 1. The Godfather A gripping tale of family, loyalty, idealism and corruption, The Godfather truly is one of the greatest films of all time, and I think part of it might take place in or around February, I can’t really remember. But it counts, right? Just look at that poster. BOOM! WE HAVE A LIST. We hope you’ve enjoyed this expedition through cinematic history. Don’t forget to argue about our selections in the comments and to share this valuable list on Facebook and Twitter while Groundhog Day is still trending!

It’s Top Chef Texas episode 13 entitled Bike, Borrow & Steal, meaning the chefs will have to bike around San Antonio, borrow kitchens from local restaurants, and apparently steal sh*t? “I’m not here to steal pens,” they all keep telling the camera, then Beverly cries somewhere. For the Quickfire, the chefs walk in to see a giant table full of pancakes that end up not getting used in any way so f*ck you, 19th century street urchins: Remember last week when the chefs did a benefit for the Healthy Choice ‘End Childhood Hunger’ campaign? A decent start would’ve been giving those 4,000 pancakes to some kids. Oop, no time for talky talk because Pee-Wee Herman is here! P.W. Herman introduces himself and challenges the chefs to make the best-tasting pancake they can, with or without using an elaborate Rube Goldberg breakfast contraption. Grayson and Lindsay BOTH literally say that they grew up always making pancakes then watching Pee Wee’s Playhouse, which I’m sure are two separate things that they did at some point in their lives, but there’s no way both chefs routinely did the most applicable-to-this-challenge thing imaginable. “Growing up, we always used to cook chicken for Pee Wee Herman in The Alamo on the show Top Chef…” When we saw the pile of pancakes, I thought for sure the guest judge was gonna be John Candy’s SCTV “3-D Theater” character: Grayson wants to make her pancakes in the shape of Minnie Mouse, because that’s a kid type thing and so is Pee Wee’s Playhouse, and she just totally nails it: Pee-Wee tastes all the pancakes and makes lots of faces, declaring every pancake ‘the best pancake he’s ever had,’ and of course Paul wins his 9,000th consecutive challenge. Wait, actually Ed wins! Sorry, I’ve just been Control-V’ing results from week to week. Congrats, other chefs! You guys hang in there – who knows, one of you might even beat Paul! One of you might even be President of the United States someday! You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Just clap your hands and move your feet, now listen to that rockin’ beat… (I’ve been workshopping my school assembly spiel, in case a school calls me and asks me to do an assembly for them. Hasn’t happened yet. Wait – haven’t checked my phone in like an hour. Yep still hasn’t happened. I’ll keep you posted.) Ed wins $5,000 reupholstered by Healthy Choice. They haven’t really done any Quickfire ‘advantages’ this season after taking Immunity off the table, but I guess the advantages usually just backfired anyway – “You had first choice if protein and you STILL messed this up you STUPID S.O.B.???” (Remember when Gail constantly screamed that sentence at people verbatim?) For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs will have to hop on bikes, like in Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, and find random ingredients around San Antonio then cook them in other peoples’ restaurants, like in Big Top Pee-Wee (it’s been awhile since I’ve seen that). As the chefs set off, Paul looks at the camera with an EXTREMELY knowing facial expression, as if to say “If you’re not just gonna declare me the winner now, I’ll do your dumb biking challenge, just remember how polite I’m being when you eventually do name me Top Chef”: The chefs take turns approaching restaurant owners that have clearly been informed by producers and signed 70 releases – or maybe the chefs just burst in spontaneously and asked “Hey mind if me and my camera crew cook and film here and also mic all of you right before you respond?” and the cooks were like “Uhhh, DUHHHH, WINNING!” (this was filmed like a year ago). Some chefs end up in good situations, like Ed, who cooks in a comfortable bed and breakfast with two nice people who make him cook eggs for their customers; others, like Lindsay, end up getting shafted out of multiple locations and having to make due: The cooking parts run surprisingly smoothly; my favorite part was when Grayson asked a cook at her Mexican restaurant, “Como Esta?” and he just responded with a completely unenthused and uninflected “Good.” That Mexican cook probably also cringes whenever Aaron Sanchez pronounces Spanish things on Chopped. We should probably hang out. The chefs finish prepping and bike on over to The Alamo to finish up cooking in THE ALAMO’S KITCHEN WHAT THE F*CK? It was so never explained what that kitchen was or how the chefs entered a small side door at THE ALAMO and were in THE ALAMO’S KITCHEN. There’s no basement at the Alamo, but there is a nicely redecorated, fully-equipped homely kitchen big enough for five chefs? I guess I never saw that 2004 movie with Billy Bob Thornton: FUN MOVIE FACT: For The Alamo, they actually just re-released Hidalgo and CGI’d an Alamo into the background of some scenes and no one noticed. The chefs serve their dishes and it’s a classic “Guest Judge Who Isn’t A Chef” episode, because Pee-Wee basically loves everything, as most non-chefs probably would when being served five painstakingly-prepared free dinners by five working restaurant chefs in competition with one another, so it’s up to Tom and Gail to appreciate his compliments but slowly plant seeds of doubt about what the chefs screwed up. Pee-Wee does note that Ed’s chicken has a weird texture, which prompts the other best quote of the episode, when Tom begins his reply “I agree with Pee-Wee…” The chefs head to Judges’ Table, where Pee-Wee sits more believably-stoically than Emeril does when he’s on: Lindsay wins the Elimination Challenge for her Stuffed Zucchini with Braised Beef Cheeks, Rice and Goat Cheese. Lindsay’s actually been pretty good this season, and to borrow an NFL Playoffs cliche, may be “getting hot at the right time.” Not hot enough to beat Paul, obviously, but like, slightly unseasonably humid. So who’s going home? We’ll find out right after this funny-every-time Bravo graphic: Paul is deemed safe, so he can leave. The judges notice he already left like 20 minutes ago. They’re like “That’s weird but we understand.” Ed seems to have screwed up the worst with his rubbery chicken (though Tom explained on the subsequent Watch What Happens Live that their longer conversation about Grayson’s mistakes was edited out), Sarah underseasoned her eggs, and Grayson had a giant chicken breast (something people OFTEN complain about) and mixed squash with tomatoes, which is a big Fall-meets-Summer no-no (like putting Katherine Heigl into a June blockbuster). Ultimately, Grayson is eliminated for her Egg, Spinach and Gorgonzola Stuffed Chicken and Butternut Roasted Squash. She takes the defeat with a very upbeat early-90s-rap attitude: We’re down to just four chefs, plus one more chef who gets rescued via Last Chance Kitchen (Top Chef’s answer to the Singled Out Golden Life Preserver). I watched the Beverly vs. Grayson clip online and they didn’t announce the winner. As a protest to this waste of time, I’m peeing on the next Toyota I see. Although, I can’t imagine they’ll just be like “Hey, Grayson’s back” – I’m sure they’ll give it to Beverly so there’s some intrigue and so Last Chance Kitchen doesn’t feel like they just deleted a week of Top Chef. Either way, it’s time for Part 1 of God Knows How Many of the Top Chef Texas Finale!!! Who knows WHAT will happen between now and when Paul is named the winner???? Top Chef Pee-Wee Episode Thoughts? Do Ed, Lindsay, Sarah, or Beverly have any chance of knocking off Paul? Any updated thoughts on the season? Stuff we missed? Random Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure quotes? Leave ‘em in the comments.

I hesitate to continue writing about Michael Fassbender, because I fear he might take that Ryan Gosling turn where, all of a sudden, we’re sick of him. Even though the guy is kind of a d*ck, we just can’t help but be drawn to him. And I will say that while I wake up every morning insisting that “today I will not post about Fassbender,” when a photo of him accepting a piggyback ride from a gentleman emerges after he was allegedly kicked out of a party for “being too much fun,” well, readers… here we are. According to witnesses at the after-party for his new film A Dangerous Method: Michael was politely asked to leave. He was in good spirits but it was becoming a bit of a handful for the other guests. He was grabbing his co-stars and waltzing around the room with them. He lit a cigarette indoors and that was the point it had gone too far. So, let me understand: Baaazically, they threw him out for being the best? Just want to wrap my head around this… Fassy had this to say: More photos of “Casual Fass” ahead. Am I the only one who finds Dad jeans hot? Hello?? *DIAL TONE* Fine. [Via WENN]

And thus, The Magic Of Carvel. Yes, legendary modern American composer Philip Glass turned 75 years old on Tuesday, and appeared on the WNYC show “Soundcheck” hosted by John Schaefer. To celebrate this momentous occassion for such a revered, respected, award-winning man, John and his team presented glass with a Cookie Puss ice cream cake from Carvel. To which I have to do the Charles S. Dutton slow clap from Rudy. Because ice cream cakes are DELICIOUS. Despite its almost haunting, goggly-eyed face, Cookie Puss is a legend in his own right. You can listen to the interview here. “If you don’t have a sense of humor about yourself, then you’re really in a lot of trouble.” — Philip Glass. I should point out that I have sliiight beef with Glass. I have many of his albums on my Itunes, and sometimes, on a whim, perhaps getting ready to go out, I’ll put my entire library on shuffle. For whatever reason, my Itunes insists on shufflin’ on over to Glass about every 4 songs, no excpetions. This means I’ll go from a Britney Spears number directly into the long, monotonous moan of a cello for 2 hours with a child crying over it. (He wrote that, right?) That being said, Happy Birthday Philip! My source tells me he loved his Cookie Puss cake. (Obviously. He’s a human being.)

Corgis are the world’s perfect dog breed: Small legs, huge fat bodies, pointy ears, and a perma dog smile. But corgis also have their downfalls: Bad backs (see: huge fat bodies), loud barks, walking them, picking their sh*t up, and dog stink that, to be fair, is an issue with all dogs. If only there was a cat… that looked exactly LIKE a corgi… so many of these problems would take care of themselves. Oh, hold on, phone. “Hello? WHAT. No. OK, I’m opening it… hold on!! The computer at work is slow… OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS I NEED IT

Here’s a brief but excellent supercut of several dozen overhead shots in Wes Anderson movies. There might’ve been a time on the internet where I would’ve typed that sentence then been like, “Wow, that is a really specific focus for a supercut,” but those days are long behind me, as my reaction instead was, “Sounds about right. Is it short? NICE. Good work, fellas!” [Bunch of dirty guys in construction hats give me a thumbs up] Prepare to react to this way too dryly: (via Film Drunk)

We at BestWeekEver may not be big on blatant shilling, but today, we’re talking PUPPIES. FOR ADOPTION. And quasi-famous ones at that! Today on Big Morning Buzz Live [VIDEO], some of the Puppy Bowl’s finest athletes stopped by, turning the VH1 headquarters into Squeetown, USA. Stop everything you’re doing and get some puppy goodness in your life. Want to take one of these darling furballs home? Plug his or her name (see GIF above) into Petfinder to apply. Cutest GIF wall ever after the jump! [GIF magic & photos: GustoNYC]

I’m not excited whatsoever for Madonna’s Super Bowl Halftime Show. Not because I dislike Madonna or think that she’ll do a bad job; on the contrary, I’m sure she’ll play the hits and bring out A-list special guests galore and make a giant entertaining spectacle and it’ll all be completely polished and well-done. The only problem is, there’s nothing memorable or transcendent about ‘good’ Super Bowl Halftime Shows. Prince and Bruce Springsteen each did about as well as a Super Bowl performer could possibly aim for, and both performances still boiled down to just 12 pretty good minutes from musicians whose fans have assuredly seen them do far better 2-3 hour concerts on other occasions. The biggest standout moment was still Springsteen sliding into the camera. The only time we remember a Super Bowl Halftime Show is when it is memorably bad. That is to say, not Black Eyed Peas “boring bad,” but rather, something so creatively ill-conceived and lame on the massive, sprawling scale that only Super Bowl Halftime Shows can provide, that we can’t help but be entertained, if for the wrong reasons. With that in mind, here’s a look back through the Glory Days of the terrible Super Bowl Halftime Show with this list of The 10 Most Awesomely Terrible Super Bowl Halftime Shows Of All Time: 10. Super Bowl 31, 1997: The New Blues Brothers with James Brown and ZZ Top HELLOOOOOO Louisiana Superdooooomeeeee!!! Please welcome the Godfathers of New Orleans music: Dan Aykroyd, Jim Belushi and John Goodman!!! Wait, James Brown? That’s not so ba- oop, ZZ Top. Soulful! Definitely worthy of a Fox ‘Special Report’: This excerpt unfortunately cuts off before ZZ Top’s legendary soulful contribution. And before David Cross hops up onstage with Jim Belushi. 9. Super Bowl 33, 1999: Stevie Wonder, Gloria Estefan, and Big Bad Voodoo Daddy Literally titled “A Celebration of Soul, Salsa and Swing.” So…Music? You’re just celebrating Music. Any nods to Hawaiian Music or Moog Synthesizers or Baroque Classical concertos? Or are we only honoring the types of music beginning with S, as in S-uper Bowl? Ahh, that makes s-ense: Also, this was a slightly odd / insensitive way for Stevie Wonder to enter: 8. Super Bowl 21, 1987: Hollywood Turns 100 “Ladies and gentlemen, Mister George Burns!” “Thank you, Snow White. Pretty girl. Little too old for me.” Bam – Instant Super Bowl Classic. (Watch for Mickey Rooney at 1:56): 7. Super Bowl 22, 1988: Chubby Checker, The Rockettes, and 88 Grand Pianos Nothing quite like rolling out 88 grand pianos in honor of 1988 and the Tom Hanks / Robert Loggia piano scene in Big. Or possibly a tribute to the Wall Of Sound. Mostly Loggia though. 6. Super Bowl 11, 1977: Disney “It’s a Small World” One of many Disney-themed Halftime Shows and emblematic of the first 15 years or so of Halftime Shows, this one’s probably less “funny-bad” and more on the “excruciating” side. Although I guess it’s not so bad for the 1850s. Wait, Jaws came out two years before this? You have no excuse: 5. Super Bowl 19, 1985: Tops In Blue “World Of Children’s Dreams” If NC-17 exists for movies that are too graphic for an R-Rating, this Halftime Show necessitates an equivalent rating for being more G-Rated than G: P.S. – What child above the age of 1 is actually inspired by this? My daughter is negative-10 and she’s already rolling her eyes. 4. Super Bowl 34, 2000: Phil Collins, Christina Aguilera, Enrique Iglesias, Toni Braxton, 80-person choir, and Edward James Olmos “Two worlds, one planet. We are not alone on this earth. Let us celebrate all the creatures who make this their home.” – Edward James Olmos, Super Bowl XXXIV Halftime Show. I repeat, Edward James Olmos, Super Bowl XXIV Halftime Show: 3. Super Bowl 25, 1991: New Kids On The Block, Disney characters, and Warren Moon “And now, to honor our Armed Forces children, Coca-Cola proudly presents The New Kids On The Block!” “YESSSSS!!!!!!” – Our Armed Forces, and me watching this right now: 2. Super Bowl 29, 1995: Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Eye No jokes (or video) can improve upon this already-perfect description: The halftime show was titled “Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Eye” and was produced by Disney to promote their Indiana Jones Adventure attraction at Disneyland that opened later that year. The show featured actors playing Indiana Jones and his girlfriend Marion Ravenwood who were raiding the Vince Lombardi Trophy from the Temple of the Forbidden Eye. The show also had performances by singers Tony Bennett and Patti LaBelle, jazz trumpeter Arturo Sandoval, and the Miami Sound Machine. The show ended with everybody singing “Can You Feel The Love Tonight.” Give me one good reason why this isn’t just the Halftime Show every year? Anyone? 1. Super Bowl 23, 1989: Be-Bop Bamboozled In 3D starring Elvis Presto This Halftime Show featured a singing magician named “Elvis Presto” performing the world’s “Largest Card Trick” to the tune of a non-Elvis-song in 3-D. Despite Bob Costas’ stellar introduction, I have NO IDEA WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE OR WHY THIS IS BEING BROADCAST TO THE ENTIRE WORLD: So basically, Super Bowl Halftime Shows do, in fact, suck now. Because they’re usually good.

Christian Siriano is many things: The most successful winner of Project Runway, designer for Payless Shoes, and above everything, someone who I hang out with occasionally while drinking his alcohol, petting his dog, building OCD gingerbread homes in his kitchen, and constantly pointing out the difference in each of our sizes. (One that, I can assure you, is hilarious.) I tell you this not only to point out the fact that I associate with people I have no business knowing, but more to the point, to share with you a few things that Mr. Siriano and his musician boyfriend Brad Walsh (with whom I have endured many a “How It’s Made” marathon) have been working on. Mainly, beautifully shot and directed videos of Christian’s Spring/Summer 2012 line starring Mena Suvari, who DOES NOT AGE. This video fulfills my fantasy of walking around an empty hotel while bedecked in many layers of neon chiffon. (Not to mention my fantasy of having an erotic encounter with Kevin Spacey while dressed like a schoolgirl. Not Kevin, me. I mean, look, Kevin can also dress like a schoolgirl if he really wants to. I refuse to put limits on this fantasy.) Where was I? Ah yes, Kevin Spacey in braids Mena Suvari in this short film directed by Christian and Brad Walsh. It will make you feel ~classy~. Christian Siriano Spring/Summer 2012 Campaign from Brad Walsh on Vimeo. You can purchase items from his new collection here. This is great news for Mena Suvari and all, but what about me? WHAT ABOUT MY FASHION NEEDS? Well, readers, I am honored and proud to reveal to you something veeery few of you will give a sh*t about. See, this weekend, I got an e-mail from Brad with the subject line: “Your shoe is here.” My WHAT is here?? Shoe. My shoe is here. For a moment, I feared that somehow one of the TGI Friday canoes I wear on my feet had made its way cross-country and into the hands of an innocent man. But when I opened the e-mail, this is what I discovered: THE MICHELLE Yes, out of the goodness of his heart and having nothing to do with the fact that I begged him to do it for months, Christian Siriano named a shoe from his Payless Shoes Gold Collection after me. “The Michelle.” Yes, I have now joined the ranks of such esteemed shoe legends as Penny, Mary Jane, F*ck-Me Heel, and The Maloof Hoof. THE MICHELLE A sensible shoe with a small peep-toe that says “I’m no prude” and a flat heel that screams “My plantar fasciitis is acting up again.” Now, I know, “The Michelle” could technically be named after any über-classy Michelle. Trachtenberg. Kwan. Obama. Bombshell Mcgee. Etc. But I’ve been assured by both Christian and Brad that is in fact a flat in my honor. And reading the description, it seems plainly obvious that this shoe and I have a lot in common. For example: This runway-inspired shoe features a trendy keyhole peep-toe Uh, if you know me, then you know I have a possess a wonderful talent for staring at people through their peepholes. And don’t get me started on my drop dead gorgeous toes. This little piggy is going to be on the cover of Foot Vogue one day, believe me. Lightly padded insole for comfort Gentlemennnnn…. And a lightweight, flexible outsole. With enough vodka, anything is possible… See Gentlemennnnn…., above. In short, if you ever see me sashaying around town in these smart-looking flats, a great icebreaker for you would be to say “Hey! Are those shoes named after you?” You will then hear a beautiful story about a young woman with big dreams and normal-sized feet for her frame, a story filled with laughter, beautiful lighting and slightly stiff posing in kind of unflattering tunics… By the way, if my tunic looks familiar, it’s because NENE LEAKES owns the same one, as I found out watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta last week. As long as she doesn’t have a pair of Payless flats named after her, we’re all good. Oh, and also, if my tunic looks familiar, LEAVE THE HOUSE.

Nicole Elizabeth “Snooki” Polizzi is the 24 year old (pause for heart to stop because I thought she was 30 OK it’s beating again let’s move on) star of Jersey Shore. If you didn’t already know that, then this next sentence won’t phase you at all: This morning, the world thought she was pregnant. No. I know. I also thought smearing self-tanner all over your “smush room” (vagina) acted as some sort of guido spermicide but I guess I was wrong. For hours, it was as if we were ALL waiting in that Chili’s handicapped stall with Snooki for that first response stick to give her the big news. Alas, it seems that Gianni and Snooki will not be the World’s Greatest Melanoma Carriers Parents just yet! Snooki reports that her womb is still empty, save for some Corona bottle caps she put up there “as a joke.” But we can’t help but think back to those wonderful few hours where we thought that Snooki would give birth to a small baby/clump of sprayed hair. Can you imagine??? Snooki’s baby would kind of be the cutest!!! Using some of her own baby photos and some that we found on our own, here are 15 Photos of What Snooki’s Baby Will Probably Look Like, though we all know the answer is clearly: #1. 15. 14. Again, #1 = The winner. Clicky Clickardo. 13. 12. 11. 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1.

Soul Train host Don Cornelius was found dead in his home today of a reportedly self-inflicted gunshot wound, following years of documented health problems and personal issues. On this tragic occasion, we’d like to honor Cornelius for his distinct pop culture contributions, but I’d be lying if I said I was more than peripherally aware of Soul Train during my youth, save for one large exception: Don Cornelius’ cameo appearance on an episode of Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air, when the Banks family appears on the 25th Anniversary of Soul Train to honor the place where Uncle Phil proposed to Vivian, culminating with the Soul Train Line and an epic Will vs. Carlton dance-off. Click the pic below to watch the clip. To this day, the Geoffrey “Point” is my go-to move if I’m too sober to dance:

A little story about me: I don’t smoke. Like, anything. I used to smoke cigarettes in college, until I quit, and all the little hairs in my lungs started making newborn baby sounds, and that was that. As far as smoking anything else is concerned (I’m choosing my words carefully, because I’m at “work”), I did a few times in college, until that one fateful night, where my heart felt like it was going to explode and my throat closed up and everyone in the baseball frat watched as paramedics came and wheeled me off to the ER. That… let me think… no, that was pretty much that last time I’ve ever done that. But I’m starting to reconsider this decision after last night’s episode of Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best on WEtv, starring my ultimate life idol and funniest woman ever Joan Rivers and her daughter, Melissa. On last night’s episode, the second of the new season, Joan’s friend Lynne Koplitz thinks that Joan needs to relax. So off they went to their local marijuana dispensary, bought some weed, and then parked a car in a dead end to smoke it. What follows on the rest of this hilarious episode is enough to get me to try the stuff again, under the condition that I am getting high with Joan Rivers. Joan and Lynne got too high to drive home, and so trusty daughter Melissa is forced to pick them up and then succumb to their every request. Such as stopping at a food truck, jumping into a hot tub fully clothed, and drinking hot tub water out of her sensible high heel. Ahead, footage of all this super-stoned madness from the episode. Unfortunately, they don’t feature the footage of Joan clowning various wax figures at Madame Tussaud, ie you should set your DVRs to record this series ASAP because it is legit hilarious.

David Hasselhoff is in Australia for the filming of Celebrity Apprentice Australia, and took the time to stop off at the Taronga Zoo with girlfriend Hayley Roberts. And Hass hoffed himself the absolute best time! First, he laid down on the ground and pet a kangaroo while completely not thinking about eating hamburgers (aka “Das Burger-Desaster”): Then, he made the life of a baby wallaby flash before its tiny black eyes: [Photos: Getty Images]

Here’s today’s internet video du jour dot biz, a guy coming up to the Sonic Drive-Thru and placing his entire order in the form of a soulful acoustic guitar song. Surprisingly, the Sonic employee is completely and hilariously unfazed by this, and proceeds to just take the order normally and play along with what could’ve turned into a very annoying experience. This video is cute, but also, if I saw this dude at a college party anywhere near that guitar, I’d go in the other room:

We saw some awesomely ridiculous outfits at Paris Fashion Week last week, but Rome’s Fashion Week may have raised the bar even higher (in terms of boobs) with this number from the Gianni Molaro show, affectionately titled “Fishlike Alien With A Literal Boob In The Center”: It’s kind of like, “Pan’s Labyrinth pale monster” meets “a boob.” Frankly, it’s about time a fashion designer finally listened to one of my emails. Also for the record, I do note that these types of high fashion offerings are more for artistic purposes than for actually-wearing-them purposes, but with that being said, I’ll take ten. (pic via Getty Images)

Rather than spoil the following video, I’ll let the Description speak for itself: Just got a melodica. Here’s my rendition of the Jurassic Park theme song. What do you think? If you watch this and don’t laugh, that’s fine, I just don’t think we’d get along very well: Perfect. Between this and the 90s Dance Music Megamix, it’s been quite a 2012 for the ol’ melodica. I will reverse this statement tomorrow when someone emails me “Sh*t Melodicas Say”. (thanks, @lindseyweber!)

Nick Pitera and I have something in common. Whereas I can perform nearly every single part of Les Miserables with a startling accuracy (my Marius is truly the best; my Fantine will make your eyes water), Nick is able to perform nearly every part of the other longest running musical ever not featuring pets in the title, Phantom Of The Opera. Nick filmed himself singing the main parts — Raoul, Christine, and, of course, Phantom — and combined all three tracks to create a one-man Phantom band. And he is, to put it simply… AMAZING He also might not have any testicles, but again, he’s a gift, and we should treat him as such. Major thanks to him for convincing me to get this one woman Les Miserables show on the road. (via Buzzfeed)