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30 years ago, on January 29, 1982, a baby emerged from neath his mother somewhere in an Indianopolis hospital. A baby whose first cry probably sounded… a little bit… like this: And Adam Lambert was officially welcomed into this world. That’s right, it seems like only yesterday that Lambert was dressing up like the cutest little cowboy, and even yesterdayier that he became a household name as a result of his legendary American Idol stint. But on Sunday, Lambert officially changes demographic, as the man we’ve all come to know and love and drink with turns the big 3-0. Yup. 30 years old. Happened to me last summer, and if you’re reading this, Adam, you have nothing to worry about. Just pop a Boniva every few hours like I do, remember to renew your Costco membership, and fill up that Baby Bjorn your friends bought you as a “joke” full of empty Bud Light cans. I guarantee that, with these three steps, you won’t even notice that your body is slowly deteriorating!! But really, 30 is secretly the best age, where you can officially stop being polite and start getting real. Even sometimes at elegant restaurants. So to honor the man, the myth, and the journey that we’ve taken with Adam Lambert, we’d like to humbly present him with this small gift, so nicely compiled by digital producer Lauren Deiman (follow her on Twitter!): It’s The Ultimate 30th Birthday Adam Lambert GIF Wall. Here’s to a Happy 30th Birthday Adam!

Just a friendly internetty public service announcement: The Tim & Eric full-length feature film, Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie, is available for download and also On Demand starting today. I haven’t watched it yet, as I am currently at my job where I inform people of such things, but you should probably go download it. I guarantee it will be hilarious, offputting, and amusingly tedious all at once! Like War Horse. That is, unless Tim & Eric took the most avant-garde approach of all and just released a completely normal, straightforward, serious film out of nowhere. But probably not! To help get you in the mood, here’s my favorite clip from the similarly awesome-and-tedious Tim & Eric Chrimbus Special, the revolutionary new Cinco Pasta Bear:

Hot off the sex toy presses! News comes out of the AVN Awards that Real Housewife of Atlanta Kandi Burruss has walked away with the coveted “Best Overall Sex Toy” Award for her luxury line of pleasuring devices produced under the name ?Bedroom Kandi.? Wow, between Bethenny Frankel’s “Skinny Girl” Margarita and Kandi’s sex toy line, The Real Housewives franchise is responsible for some of my own personal best Thursday nights. In the meantime, we contacted fellow Housewife Phaedra Parks for a comment on Kandi’s vibratious win. And this is what she had to say: When you’re blessed with gigantic, luscious lips the same size as those gigantic water massage beds at the mall, you gotta know how to use em. God bless her. (GIF via the hilarious Mickey Mouth blog, which is a must read for all Real Housewives fans.)

Not sure how it’s taken this long, but British designer Matt Jones just released this “Mr. Tea” custom tea set, which includes “A cup and saucer, a golden stirrer and sugar cubes, and Mr. T sticking out of the top”: Only 250 of the cups were made, and they’re currently selling online for around $70 USD (roughly the actual value of T’s real-life jewelry). It makes the perfect gift for Mother’s Day, if you wanna TREAT YOUR MOTHER RIGHT: (pic via Splash News)

Belated Oscar nomination to the genius who made this photo, which to be fair made the rounds a few months ago, but takes on a whole new meaning now that news of Heidi Klum and Seal’s divorce has been made public. Heidiiiiiii????? What happened? Did he used to come home late at night smelling like fish? Was it the constant, endless clapping? Did the blubber finally get to you? I gotta know! Because sleeping next to that thing above night after night doessssn’t really seem that bad to me. And for those of you who live for LITERAL PHOTOS, take a look at a quick MOMA-level art piece I put together depicting one of Seal’s best known works. Needless to say, it is my wallpaper now. (Actual wallpaper, none of this computer background bullsh*t.) PRESS PLAY AND SCROLL (And yes, Eliot did post this photo back in October. But what with the divorce and all, not to mention my brilliant photoshopping skills, I think it’s worth another look or nine.)

This is a hot pink sheep. Before you grab your pitchforks and torches and book a one way ticket to New Zealand where these sheep live, a few things you should know. These are not naturally occurring hot pink sheep. No some genius in New Zealand decided to dye a flock of them hot pink, so that when people see them, their first thought is “I should probably get a mammogram” and not “we need to burn these devil animals down to the ground.” Those of you wishing to pet and hug each of these sheep individually (really, only me), you’re in luck: They live at a sheep amusement park called SHEEPWORLD. A real place. Sheepworld. I think you know and I know where I’ll be spending my summer internship this year, because I am merely an innocent college student with a love for farm animals. Ahead, exclusive photos of what my first few moments at Sheepworld will feel like. THE MOMENT I WALK IN: AND NOW I’M RUNNING…. I’M JUST RUNNING [via Splash]

The season for viral political campaign ads is officially upon us, thanks to this commercial from Florida congressional hopeful Mark Oxner, who urges voters to “turn this ship around” by staging a mutiny against a cartoon Obama-captain to save a large boat of enslaved children from a perilous waterfall. It contains everything you could ever want in an absurd political ad, particularly if you enjoy a post-apocalyptic nautical setting giving way to some super chill piano. This 30-second ad is way more exciting than at least two of the Pirates Of The Caribbean films: BLAMMO. You have officially met your match, Rick Barber slavery ad. (Thanks, Alex!)

Here’s an adorably committed kid humming the Law & Order theme song while accompanying himself by banging a washing machine. It is, without a doubt, the best musical performance I’ve seen so far in 2012. It’s like a young Michael Winslow meets a young Stomp meets a regular-age Law & Order. Is it too early to crown a Song Of The Summer? Cause I just enscribed that crown then set it on that washing machine. Law & Order, meet LOL & AWESOME: Between this video and John Mulaney’s SVU standup bit on Conan, it’s been an exciting 24 hours for Law & Order themed things. Not to mention the 56 hours of actual Law & Order that aired during that timespan. (Thanks, @haulihan!)

Ferris Bueller’s Mid-Life Crisis Off is probably what the movie would be called if it were remade today, starring Matthew Broderick at a healthy 49 years of age. Well, there is good news for you Ferris-philes out there still waiting for a sequel to the 1986 classic comedy… HE’S BACK. Yes, in this all-too-brief teaser clip, it seems that Ferris Bueller will be joining us again, however briefly, in what will probably be one of the most hyped Superbowl ads to air next weekend. And, like, for good reason? Hello, Matthew Broderick still looks great, and while he’s giving off more Jim McAllister than Ferris Bueller in this clip, it doesn’t matter. THE MUSIC. THE ROBE. ONE CAN ONLY HOPE A MOHAWKED SHOWER SCENE. Good job, whatever company this is for, I will likely buy a lot of your product. Especially if it’s for Swiffer. I love Swiffer! Wait, is it Swiffer? Well, sh*t, I’ll just go buy a bunch of Swiffer right now before it SELLS OUT. I just hope they didn’t bring Mr. Rooney back… UPDATE: It’s a Honda ad! (via Flavorwire)

It’s Top Chef Texas episode 12 entitled “Block Party”, and to be perfectly up front, this recap is gonna be all downhill after that opening cat photo, as will the entire rest of my writing career and possibly life. But we’re in this season TOGETHER, dammit, so I’ll type some nonsense words about that episode we just saw and you can follow along and keep scrolling back up to that cat pic when you get bored. Deal? BREAKING NEWS: Paul has just been named the winner of this Top Chef season via Mercy Rule. Congrats, Paul! Top Chef will be moving on to the next season starting next week. Seems only fair. Wait, actually I’ve been misinformed. What I actually heard was, Ron Paul has been named the winner of this Top Chef season via Mercy Rule. Actually no, this source might be unreliable. I’ve actually just been checking a Slovakian NHL Trade Rumors website, and I can’t read any of this. It might not be about Top Chef at all – I’ll hit Google Translate and get back to you. In the meantime, only 6 chefs left, so ONWARD TO THE QUICKFIRE: For the Quickfire Challenge, the chefs are paired up into three aproned teams to prepare a mise en place (French for “Mice in Plays”, so this should be adorable! I request Mousebeth) where they’ll have 30 minutes to peel, de-vein, and butterfly 2 pounds of shrimp, shuck a basket of corn, and make fresh fettuccine, then use their remaining time to prepare a dish with the three ingredients. “I made fettuccine with shrimp and corn,” is what three people are about to say. The chefs speed through the ‘food obstacle course’ pretty adeptly – no one gets stuck on the Shrine Of The Silver Monkey – and they prepare three nice-looking dishes in under fifteen minutes, which was impressive. Paul fails to get the shrimp on the plate, though, so his team is disqualified – uhoh Paul, looks like you might be going home this week! Hahaha but seriously Paul won the season. Chris J and Grayson win the Quickfire and take home $10,000 furnished by Healthy Choice (furnished = given to Bravo? Or did they like, place furniture in the money?) Chris J really organically says, “Thank you Healthy Choice.” Then the show goes to commercial and this runs: I mean, I’m no conspiracy theorist, but I just have this vague gut feeling… For the Elimination challenge, the pairs of chefs will now become adversaries (the cookers have become THE COOKED!), and each chef has to prepare a version of the same dish as their rival for a Healthy Choice block party in support of their “Child Hunger Ends Here” campaign. This is gonna be amusing when they talk about charitable giving and feeding hungry children then cut to Tom and Dana Cowin spitting out someone’s dish because it didn’t fit the technical criteria of a true risotto. At the block party, the chefs are greeted by a, well, not “familiar” face, but a face we remember once they remind us who he was: It’s noted Flavor Ambassador Ryan Scott! FUN FACT: “Healthy Choice Flavor Ambassador” was also Steven Spielberg’s nominal title on The Land Before Time. The chefs pick their dishes - Grayson & Chris J: Chicken Salad Sandwiches Ed & Paul: Asian Beef BBQ with Pickled Vegetables Sarah & Lindsay: Meatballs (hope no one makes Meatballs II) Padma then announces, “Those don’t sound very healthy. Now you’ll have to prepare a healthier version of those dishes.” That’s fine, Padma, but why were you so mad when you announced this? It wasn’t part of the original challenge then you got angry at everyone for not anticipating that additional aspect. I mean, I know it’s a “Healthy” Choice block party, but the chefs also aren’t preparing tiny green frozen meals either, so it’s hard to nail them on semantics. Anyway, the chefs commence cooking outdoors, and perils immediately present themselves when a swarm of bees specifically attacks Chris J’s pineapple: That’s right, bees. BEES? And because we’re bored, this gives us a chance to post our favorite Simpsons sign joke: The chefs serve their dishes; Grayson is making her chicken salad sandwiches to order, while Chris J is making them all in advance and letting the bread get soggy (“Redddd Redddd Flag…” – UB40 watching this). And speaking of bread, Ed lets people serve themselves at his station and people keep taking too many pieces of bread, including Breaddo Stealface Jr over here: The diners praise the food almost unanimously, as they always do, especially these two guys who secretly run Texas and already know the outcome of the next two presidential elections: WINNERS: Paul, Grayson, Lindsay. The judges and diners love the Healthy alternatives for the most part, and Paul wins his 900th consecutive challenge for his Turkey Kalbi and Eggplant with White Peach Kimchi: Grayson and Tom verbally spar over whether or not a Chicken Salad Sandwich was a refined enough choice for a Healthy Choice Block Party, and I was on Grayson’s side; is it really that much less ‘refined’ than a meatball, or any other of the standard week-to-week choices on this show? Also, what are the gourmet standards for a bee-filled charity benefit run by a frozen food company? This is all splitting receding-hairs anyway, because Paul has won the season. LOSERS: Ed, Chris J, Sarah. Tom calls Sarah’s meatball ‘very good’, just not as excellent as Lindsay’s, and Ed has been fine all season, so it’s clearly Chris J’s time to go. Tom literally tells him “Letting the bread get soggy was not a healthy choice.” Nor was it a Toyota Venza. Chris is asked to pack his insane amount of bleeps this episode and go. On the way out, he gets a BAMshake with Always Hilariously Serious Emeril: And we’re down to Paul and four other people who are about to lose to Paul (and one person gets to come back from Last Chance Kitchen to lose to Paul again). Should be interesting! Now let’s watch Fabio say ‘burger’ a bunch of times. Top Chef Block Party Thoughts? Thoughts on Chris’ elimination? Any conceivable scenarios in which Paul doesn’t win? Comment away.

(Read in the tone of a political attack ad) The Daily Mail will try and have you believe that this oddly shaped iceberg found in Antarctica is shaped like a dragon. They’ll even tell you in the title “Fire and ice: Dragon rises out of the water in frozen Antarctic wilderness.” Mmmhmm. Well nice try, Daily Mail, but I think it’s obvious to anyone with eyes that this is not an ice dragon, rather a rather magestic ice llama we are looking at. In fact, according to the woman who took the photograph: “At first we thought it looked a bit like a thumb – then when we got back on land it suddenly became clear it looks exactly like a dragon.” Proving that she has exactly no idea what she’s talking about. This is an ice llama. End of conversation, right Sh*t Just Got Real Llama? Right. See Also: 65 Unforgettable Stock Photos Of Llamas

This awards season, perhaps no actor has gotten on all fours begging for our attention quite like Uggie, the Jack Russell terrier stealing hearts and, probably, a lot of socks (Uggie!) as the doggie co-star in The Artist. Uggie has been evvverywhere, on late night talk shows, doing the morning show circuit, pissing all over the competition. I think we can all agree that Uggie is the hottest actor to come out of the 2011 movie season, save for The Artist star and former locksmith Jean Dujardin, who has officially been given the key to the city’s ladyparts. In other words, you’ve been waiting for it, and now it’s here… with help from The Fab Life‘s Jordan Runtagh, here are: The 20 Hottest Photos Of Uggie The Dog 20. 19. 18. 17. 16. 15. 14. 13. 12. 11. 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1.

Marie Tussaud began her career carving wax statues back in 1767, when her sculpture of Louis XV’s last mistress, Madame du Barry, went on display in France. And it is because of this great woman, this legendary Madame, that young women everywhere can live out their greatest fantasies with the closest thing they can get to a Real Doll version of Justin Bieber: Yes, this Justin Bieber statue was unveiled at the Madame Tussauds wax museum at The Venetian in Las Vegas yesterday. It took these young women less than .5 seconds to melt his wax pants off and take advantage of his still remarkably accurate hairless wax bathing suit areas. Well every girl except for the little one on the left, who remains HIGHLY SUSPCIOUS of this B13B3R status. Ahead, check out some more photos of some tweens living out their most PG-13 Marky Mark in Fear fantasies with their one and wax online.

Newt Gingrich led a roundtable discussion about the U.S. space program at Brevard Community College in Florida on Wednesday and made a number of ambitious claims: Gingrich surprised many with an ambitious plan that he said involves a permanent U.S. base on the moon, activities and tourism in orbit and a rocket engine capable of getting astronauts to Mars, all by 2020. Gingrich said he thinks the moon could be the 51st state, and there could be five or more launches a day. We can discuss the plan’s financial feasibility and the U.S.’s right to own the moon some other time, but for now, I’d just like to point out that the notion of “activities and tourism” on the moon was COMPLETELY PREDICTED by the second episode of Futurama, when Fry finally lives out his boyhood dream of flying to the moon only to discover that it’s been turned into a cheesy, Disneylike theme park. Watch the Futurama “Moon Park” clip below, and brace yourself for the complete inevitability: Futurama Moon Park www.comedycentral.com Comedy Central Funny Videos Funny TV Shows Aaaand we’re one step closer to making it happen, and not just because of Gingrich, just because this is obviously what’s going to happen when the U.S. colonizes the moon. Let’s just hope the Moon Company also produces incredible computer-animated feature films annually to balance out the lameness.

My friend Matt received a curious brochure in the mail, one telling folks to “Immerse Yourself In A Truly European Experience.” Sounds enchanting, only that it was an American Express travel brochure for the Costa Concordia. The uhh… well, it’s the cruise that sank off the coast of Italy two weeks ago, killing 16 and left another 16 missing. As a commenter points out below, the word “Yourself” isn’t even spelled correctly. It says “Immerse Youself,” not a phrase, and perhaps a too-late spoiler alert for the careless disaster that took place off the Italian coast. How the mailing still managed to make it into people’s mailboxes is another issue, as it seems like there would have been plenty of time to pull the brochure. However John Kelly of the Washington Post, who actually does real research because he works for an actual paper, says this: I called American Express and a representative explained that it takes between six and eight weeks from when a brochure is put into creative to when it reaches mailboxes, making it too late to pull the mailing. ?Obviously that offer is not valid,? she said. Just a shame they weren’t able to grab the brochures in time… they could have swapped images to really show the consumer what they’re getting into… Namely, the ocean. Ahead, you can take a look at the entire postcard, and decide if this is the right vacation for you. The worst part about it is, the Costa Concordia sounded pretty great. “Cruising Italian Style”… (Last image via WaPo/John Kelly)

Pop artist Ron English just unveiled his newest impressively random combination of things, a sculpture of Barack Obama as The Incredible Hulk: Waaaitttt a minuttttee – they just slapped an Obama head on a Sammy Sosa Starting Lineup figure! I guess that still counts as art, because it’s anything. And it looks way better than both recent Hulk movies (though possibly not the original tv show). Next step: Make Wolveromney and put the two figures in a this fight pose and have it be the cover of every New York Post between now and 2013.

So, so much to love about this video: A delightfully miserable flat-faced cat (official Purina breed name), wearing a neck tie two sizes too small, while playing a gigantic keyboard, which is actually just a huge orange smiling cat face with Looney Tunes piano keys for teeth. But the BESSSST part about this is that it’s not just any ol’ cat faced keyboard found at your local Single Lady Emporium. Because instead of playing regular keyboard notes, this little amazing thing meows. Yup. It’s a cat, in a necktie, playing a keyboard, that meows, while smiling in an almost threatening manner. I don’t want to say that it’s videos like this that keep me loving the internet — because clearly, porn — but camman. It’s pretty close. Of course, this video has nothing on our favorite keyboard playing cat of all time. No, it’s not Keyboard Cat… but you’re close… (via Buzzfeed)

SNL writer and BWE alum John Mulaney (a true master of three-letter-abbreviated tv shows that are legendary) stopped by Conan last night on the couple-days eve of his new standup special to talk about ruining relationships, New York miracles, and Law & Order SVU. As a huge fan of SVU myself, as well as a big fan of Mulaney’s flawlessly accurate routine about regular Law & Order, I’ve subliminally been waiting for this “Ice-T on SVU” routine for a long time. Though I still wonder, how can a comedian who’s seen SVU manage to talk about anything other than SVU, because it is clearly the craziest? I’m impressed:

You actually don’t need to read the article. You just have to look at that headline and that photo of Jenna Von Oy, aka Six from Blossom, and her husband, and that dog, every day for an hour until the end of the year. (That year being 1993.) But seriously, how did your pug react Jenna Von Oy? Bruiser’s reaction has been astounding ? he blew me away,” she says. “He’s a very docile dog and he rarely gets feisty, but [early on in the pregnancy], he’d lie in front of me and every time one of the other dogs would try to jump up near me, he’d snap. He knew my condition! Goodnight, Moon. How Jenna von Oy’s Pug Reacted to Her Baby News via People, via via Megan Shamas.

This is Rihanna‘s new tattoo: A pig pink scrawling of “THUG LIFE” across her knuckles, a la Tupac Shakur’s extremely well toned abs. The singer tweeted the photo late last night… and, I don’t even know what to say, except for the lines famously uttered by Farmer Hoggett in Babe and Babe: Pig In The City: “That’ll do, Rihanna. That’ll do.” I understand people want to pay their respects to artists that influence their work, but like, if you’re gonna do that, at least do it in a classy way, you know? (via The Daily Mail)

I’m not sure what’s brought about the recent mini resurgence of Jaws remixes – the recent stu-perb Disney Jaws joins an impressive canon alongside the classic Must Love Jaws – but the following trailer for “Finding Jaws” is just too expertly done for me to worry about it. It’s actually too expertly done for me to even be sure it’s a joke, because I’m pretty sure this is already playing on most international United flights. My controversial theory is: We all like the movie Jaws, so anything that’s like “hey here’s some Jaws!” makes us happy. Also it’s 1 minute long and features Men At Work, so there you go, Internet Hat Trick: (via /Film)

The Academy Award nominations were announced yesterday, and we couldn’t help but notice an extreme oversight: No mention of Michael Fassbender’s penis’ amazing work in the sex-fueled thriller Shame. Now if you know me, and your name is Michael Fassbender, than this is a dream and I should probably gather my things and leave before he wakes up. If this is real life, however, then you know that my love for Faszy (Hungarian for “penisy”) is as infinite as his icy blue gaze. And his penis’ star turn in Shame should have easily nabbed him a nomination, if only for the benefit of Billy Crystal’s team of jokewriters. But alas, Fassbender was left out in the cold, his abs just shivering, his penis… still probably pretty big, as he feels what it’s like to be out of Hollywood’s glow. It is because of this snub that it hit us… The Oscars have lost their meaning. And here are 50 Reasons Why. And Fassy, if you’re reading this, I’m just making coffee in the other room. Be back in a second baaabe. *leaves rose on pillow* 50. 49. 48. 47. 46. 45. 44. 43. 42. 41. 40. 39. 38. 37. 36. 35. 34. 33. 32. 31. 30. 29. 28. 27. 26. 25. 24. 23. 22. 21. 20. 19. 18. 17. 16. 15. 14. 13. 12. 11. 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. Half the list comes from 50 Reasons Michael Fassbender Is The Sexiest Man Alive. Photos for the rest of the list via Getty.

With Super Bowl 46 just around the corner, we at BWE felt obligated to give you our exclusive insight into the captivating New York Giants / New England Patriots matchup, but rather than bore you with the same old tired “actual football analysis” that we’ll all get sick of in the next week (then get sick of people complaining about being sick of it), we’ve broken the Giants / Patriots matchup down in a far more amusing (and some would say “more meaningful” and be wrong) way: Figuring out which team’s craziest fans are indeed the craziest. We’ve broken the Giants/Patriots fan-ridiculousness into Seven Thematic Categories, which we’ll analyze very non-arbitrarily based on a couple random photos in each category. Without further football-adieu (couldn’t think of a pun there), let’s answer the question – Giants VS Patriots: Which Super Bowl Team’s Fans Are More Awesomely Ridiculous? Category 1: Unnecessarily Creepy Costumes Patriots: Giants: Verdict: Giants. The Patriots “Saw” fan certainly scores creepy points with his “Death looking out at you from the Sistine Chapel wall” gaze, but he’s also wearing a store-bought mask, whereas those two Giants guys look like they might actually abduct you and torture you with some sort of elaborately brutal scenario to make you appreciate life (followed by 9 sequels). Edge goes to creativity + plausibility(-of-actual-murder). Category 2: Crazy Hats Patriots: Giants: Verdict: Patriots. This one’s not even close. As much as I admire the “Cruz Time” guy for just putting literal words in front of his face, it’s hard to dispute those Patriots’ fans simultaneous penchant for extravagant kind-of-puns and complete disregard for their own necks’ well-being. Plus that last Patriot dude’s hat looks like some Mongolian king’s crown on display at a museum that’s too heavy for the king to have ever actually worn but so insultingly lavish it inspired The Abacus Rebellion Of 1385 (is that when stuff happened in Mongolia? Sure.) Category 3: Inexplicable Santas Patriots: Giants: Verdict: Giants. Simply put, Gorilla Santa > Regular Santa, just as Gorilla Anything > Regular Anything. Also, these aren’t entirely ‘inexplicable,’ as both photos occurred around Christmastime, but I just wanted to drop in a plug for my band “Inexplicable Santas” that I might eventually get around to forming. Category 4: Signs With Way Too Many Words Patriots: Giants: Verdict: Giants. The Patriots “Priceless” sign is admirably topical (First Draft: “Dude, You’re Gettin’ A Gronkowski!”), but those Giants signs clearly excel in the “Deliberately Noncatchy” department. Although, we may yet see that entire last sign turned into a 4-minute chant at this year’s big game. The Simpsons “I am tired of these jokes about my giant hand” guy is on board. Category 5: Adorable Brainwashed Children Patriots: Giants: Verdict: Giants. I’m not being judgmental with the ‘brainwashing’ thing – my dad was sneaking me into NHL games when I was a zygote – but no kid ever knows what’s happening ever, both at NFL games and in life (amiright, good parents?) Anyway, the edge here goes to comically large helmet kid, obviously, a possible direct descendant of Sir Not Appearing In This Film. Category 6: Taunting Rivals Patriots: Giants: Verdict: Patriots. I’m biased towards my addiction to awful puns, but also, the latter fan’s ‘Michael Vick dogs’ taunt was already tired three Fantasy Team Names into 2008. Also: TEBOWN Steak. Nailed it/him! Category 7: Miscellaneous Crazy Patriots: Giants: FINAL VERDICT: We have the unofficial Crazy Fans tally at 5 Categories to 2 in favor of the Giants, which means, unequivocally, that the Giants might win Super Bowl 46 and this entire thing was obviously a Super Bowl themed internet gimmick so we could all look at some zany photos of NFL fans. BUT MAYBE IT WILL PLAY A FACTOR IN THE GAME!!! Only time will tell. It will not play a factor. How much time passed just there? Anyway, good job at being amusingly crazy, football fans! We hope you’ve all enjoyed this first and definitely last Super Bowl themed thing on the internet. I only wish someone would write about how bad the Super Bowl commercials are this year! I’m not holding my breath. (All pics via Getty Images)

Anyone who knows me knows I enjoy a spot of bacon now and again. From when I put my bra on in the morning to when I fall asleep at night, I sometimes wonder if anything can be improved with just a little bit of that familiar smoky bacon flavor. Like a chopped salad, a soup, my taxes, etc. But on the other mud-clumped hoof, sometimes I come across a photo so sweet, so precious, I think HOW COULD I POSSIBLY PUT THIS THING IN MY MOUTH? Meet this miniature tiny little pig: Hey PETA, remember when we thought a piglet in boots would be an effective way to stop the bacon industry? We lied. It’s a pig the size of a Wilson tennis ball. I definitely would not want Roger Federer to backhand this little sucker into my next Cobb salad. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish up my adoption papers for my future dream sons. (via Reddit)

In the internet’s infinite, insatiable desire to remix everything by combining everything with everything, here’s the next item on the comically huge list: A new Walking Dead opening credits re-cut to the “Growing Pains” theme. If this doesn’t get you psyched up for the return of Walking Dead, then nothing will! Except the possibility of eighty-five more episodes where they search for Sophia and pull four zombies out of wells for some reason in every cold-open. Also in this world, Sophia is Boner, or something. Sure: Next up on the internet’s to-do list: This video remixed with The Empire Strikes Lebowski. Just another day at the rat race dot com. (Blastr, via Pop Culture Brain)

We all know that bacon is literally magical and can do anything, but according to a new study at the Detroit Medical Center, “Anything” now includes “The ability to stop nosebleeds”: A new medical study recommends a method called “nasal packing with strips of cured pork” as an effective way to treat uncontrollable nosebleeds… “Cured salted pork crafted as a nasal tampon and packed within the nasal vaults successfully stopped nasal hemorrhage promptly, effectively, and without sequelae ? To our knowledge, this represents the first description of nasal packing with strips of cured pork for treatment of life-threatening hemorrhage in a patient with Glanzmann thrombasthenia.” So there you have it – finally, a justification for shoving bacon strips up your nose after years of us just doing that to get closer to the smell and looking foolish. Not anymore! “I have a nosebleed” BOOM – porknose. Everybody wins. Next question – is sticking strips of pork up one’s nose to stop a nosebleed Kosher? Let’s just assume any deity would laugh.

We’ve seen plenty of sexual Family Feud survey answers before, but usually it’s the players giving ridiculous wrong answers that prompt Steve Harvey to ridicule them with seven minutes of shocked stares. In this clip, however, the survey itself displays THE MOST RANDOM answer in Feud history, as the 6th response to the survey question - “Name something an airline pilot might be holding during a long flight.” Our reaction is the same as the woman’s at 0:25: Between this video and last week’s Jeopardy donkey punch, these game shows are gettin’ hot hot HOT. (via Warming Glow)

Former American Idol Kellie Pickler showed up at the the ASPCA Adoption Center in New York to help promote a Fresh Step limited-edition cat sweater (which of course now I want because 1. cat sweater and 2. limited-edition cat sweater.) Kellie seems please as she walks the “cat carpet” with a cute little kitten in tow. But it was while touring the Adoption Center facilities that Ms. Pickler ran into greatness. That’s because she had the honor of meeting this guy, who we are dubbing “The New Best Internet Cat.” This little guy was put on Earth to pose for the cameras. It doesn’t matter what angle he’s snapped at… he always looks hilarious. Hence it is our great pleasure to bring you Ultimate Close-Ups of the New Best Internet Cat. It is safe to say that I 100 percent guarantee you will enjoy scrolling through this post. I mean, look at this little fat bastard here: SMILING THE DAY AWAY Let’s take a closer look. Closer… Closer… Closer… PERFECT And look how spry he is! Closer… Closer… Closer… Closer… THERE One last photo for old time’s sake: Closer… Closer… Closer… Closer… HE IS THE BEST [Photos: Getty]

Of all the stars to emerge from the 2011 movie season, perhaps no one has done so in a more silent, deadly and handsome manner than Jean Dujardin, Golden Globe winning star of The Artist. Dashing, funny, and the FRENCHEST-FACED MAN EVER, Jean now has even more to celebrate, as today it was revealed that he’s nominated for the most prestigious of American gifts, the State of Liberty Academy Awards. And it is our genuine l’honneur to bring you this exclusive footage of Jean Dujardin reacting to the news of his Best Actor Nomination: I have no idea what this video is from, but whatever it is, it is my new favorite and I want a GIF of it tramp stamped in my special area. In other news, this very same man, who has now charmed the pants off of all of you (No, really, look down. No pants? Exactly. Dujardin’d.) has also just posed for a super Euro fashion spread in GQ Magazine. I mean look at this f*cker: I have sauvignon blanc tears streaming down my cheeks. More pics from the shoot ahead.

According to TMZ, Mel Gibson is back in criminal court, only this time, it’s not something DUI / Racist / BJ / Racist Drunken BJ related – he’s just showing up for Jury Duty! What an honest, respectable citizen in every way as far as I can recall. I imagine the Mel Gibson jury selection process would go something like this: Court Official: Name? Mel Gibson: Mel G- Court Official: You’ve been discharged. No word on whether Gibson was actually called for Jury Duty or if he’s just prepping for his role in this long-awaited reboot: (PS – Michelle’s suggested title for this post was “Man Without A Case,” which is great, but juuuust quite not stupid enough)